Ask Amy: My Partner Bought a Hitler Artifact to Give as a Gift

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dear Amy: My partner, “Chris” just showed me a present he bought for his adult son. This gift is a “verified” personal business card that once belonged to Adolf Hitler (Hitler reportedly distributed them to people he met).

Chris bought this map from the rare collection of an American museum and spent quite a bit of money on it.

He finds this gift funny and amusing.

Chris is a kind and kind person, and he has no prejudice against ethnic groups.

I felt very disturbed, angry, disappointed and puzzled by the nature of this gift. I don’t find anything Hitler related an appropriate item for gift giving, laughing or fun.

The night I learned of the existence of this gift, I was tormented by horrific images and thoughts of the crimes against humanity caused by this monster.

I wrote a note to my partner about how I felt about it and invited him to do some soul-searching on his choice. He read my note, said he felt angry and frustrated by it, and said, “I knew I shouldn’t have shown it to you. He then said, “I don’t want my day to be ruined by this.”

I feel puzzled as to how this sweet and kind partner could come up with such a gift, honoring an evil person.

I wonder how I can be at peace with this.

Perplexed: Thanks to the information you provided me, I have verified that the place where your partner bought this artefact is less a “museum” than a private collection of an individual located at the dealer’s home.

While diving into this disturbing topic, I also learned that there is quite a market for these artifacts and that collectors use various justifications to purchase them.

In my opinion, unless a buyer intends to use artifacts as teaching tools to illustrate both the banality (“calling cards”) and the monstrosity of evil, then there is no absolutely no ethical reason to buy them.

It’s definitely not “funny”, in any context.

So yeah, I’d say that at a minimum, your “nice, nice” guy is sensitive to himself (he didn’t want your reaction to “ruin his day”), and not really sensitive to the reality of the pain he’s going through. by millions that should be conjured up by any Hitler artifact.

So yes, I agree that the very act of purchasing this item as a “fun” gift is tasteless and unsettling. Plus, her reaction to your honest comments and concern will naturally make you think about her personal ethics.

You ask how to be “at peace” with this choice. Maybe – when you’re less reactive and he’s less defensive – you can both agree on his choice.

But there are times when you should stand up for your own values. It is rarely peaceful.

dear Amy: A very dear friend, whom I met through my ex-husband, died recently.

The family requested that, in lieu of flowers, donations be made to the deceased’s favorite charity. I intend to make such a donation.

My 15 year old boyfriend thinks I should ask my ex to contribute to the donation and do it from my ex and me.

I strongly disagree for a variety of very valid reasons. Although I met this friend and his wife through my ex, I maintained a friendship with them while my ex did not.

For a variety of very valid reasons, I only communicate with my ex-husband when absolutely necessary.

Despite knowing all of this, my partner still insists he’s right. I maintain that this is completely inappropriate as my ex and I are no longer a couple.

Perplexed: I’m surprised it’s still under discussion.

Let your partner know that joint gifts between barely speaking ex-spouses would be the exception, not the norm.

More importantly, it’s your friend, your money and your choice.

dear Amy: Your advice to “Bay Area Mother-in-Law’s Kitchenwas, as usual, tasteless.

You NEVER tell a cook how to cook! Already. Especially when they do it for free, as a favor.

If this son-in-law does not like his mother-in-law’s cooking, he can cook himself or eat out of a can.

disgusted: Even though she was aware of her son-in-law’s extreme aversion to onions, this mother-in-law insisted on putting them everywhere.

He doesn’t tell her how to cook. She tells him how to eat.

©2022 by Amy Dickinson distributed by Tribune Content Agency

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